i am a fort made out of butter!!!!


i am a towering structure made from a pound of butter! i am a kitchen landscape-dominating stronghold of solid butterfat and milk protein! i am mei’s surpressed gag reflex!

soon i will be a delicious maple oatmeal scone from the barefoot contessa cookbook. here’s how to transform me from a four-story dairy monstrosity into a moist and crumbly dollop of maple deliciousness.

somewhere along the way, you will need to hire a construction crew to wrecking ball that butter into your mixer:


there are actually about five other ingredients suffocating at the bottom of the mixer bowl, but they are barely visible underneath that pound of butter. in other news, ina garten is trying to kill me and make me fat. i still love her though.

beside butter forts, you may be tempted to make maple syrup buttermilk art. don’t worry, this impulse is completely normal (is it?)


at some point, if you ever finish playing with your food, you will have a number of beautifully browned and subtly sweet scone mountains.


screw hiking or rock climbing or conquering everest, i will ascend this mound of scone to a pinnacle of breakfast bread nirvana. just wait till i get some icing on you…


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